Baltika #9: In Soviet Russia, Beer Drinks You!

Baltika makes several different beers, and I’ll try to go through them, but it’s only fitting to do #9 first/again.  Maybe this post will stay up, or maybe my partner will rewrite his original post and take this one down, or maybe we’ll just have 2 reviews, I don’t really know.  What I do know is that Baltika #9 is one hell of a beer.

As the label says, its a lager and contains 8.0% abv.  Would I have preferred it to be 9.0% for B9, of course.  However lack of symmetry in the name and alcohol content certainly doesn’t make this Russian beer taste any worse.  This beer from St. Petersburg comes straight at your face like a punch from Ivan Drago.  Its not a bad tasting beer, especially if you like vodka.  Because there’s a distinct vodka aftertaste with every sip.  I’m pretty sure vodka and not water is used in the brewing process.  I can’t back that up with anything other than stereotyping all Russians as vodka loving drunks, but that works for me.  I’m certainly not complaining about the taste.

The best part of this beer is probably the sizes of it that are available.  We’ve had a half liter and much more suprisingly, a 51oz mammoth plastic bottle.  I’d like to see more beers come in 51 oz bottles, especially stronger beers like this.

If you feel like you need a break from boring cheap American beers and malt liquors, then why not go for the international flair of Russia’s Baltika 9?  Remember, 51oz bottles of beer will  improve just about anything you’re gonna do that night.

8 out of 10 skeets

-p

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Words don’t do this justice

Probably the best use of $25 ever.  Also the only time something good has been found thanks to Pennsylvania’s stupid liquor laws.  In Ohio, I’ve only ever seen this sold individually, but in PA I’ve only ever seen it sold in bulk.  I guess the big problem is I’ve only found this in one PA beer distributor.

too many skeets

-p

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Blame Canada: RockStar Pomegranate Vodka

We need to form a full assault, it’s Canada’s fault!  It really is though, because of Canada I cannot say this blog’s favorite alcoholic energy drink, Joose, is the best.

We found this in a Canadian liquor store, and when one of my friends asked me what it tasted like I told the truth, “It tastes like magic.”  I couldn’t then, or now find better words to describe the taste.  You really can’t tell you’re drinking a 6.9% abv beverage.  At the grocery store I see pomegranate is being combined with every other juice they have on the shelf, and I know that it all falls well short of what happens when you combine it with vodka.

Rockstar also makes a regular RockStar and vodka drink, but why bother?  The pomegranate version is sex in a can.

The only problem with this drink, and it’s a big one is I’ve only EVER seen this drink north of the border.  Our normally generous and polite neighbors are keeping this secret to themselves while they give us Nickelback.  It seems like everything’s gone wrong since Canada came along.

With all their beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies, Canadians will be keeping this magic for themselves.  But any Yank brave enough to cross the border and avoid being stabbed with an ice skate should find their way to a liquor store and buy magic in a can.

10 out fo 10 SKEETS!

-p

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Pabst Ice: Finally, an ice beer for hipsters

Every college bar or bar that has concerts at it should have one thing in common, the Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boy.  PBR has long been the drink of choice for poor college kids, or the ironic and cheap choice of hipsters everywhere.  I thought that PBR couldn’t get any better.

Then come the day I discovered Pabst Ice.  Just think about that for a second, if it doesn’t make you thirsty then I don’t know what will.  At the very least it should make you curious.  Pabst Ice is such a rarity on the market because it was sent to prison by a The Man for a crime it didn’t commit. PI promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to Gas USA. Today, still wanted by the government, it survives as soldiers of fortune, getting people drunk where and when it has the opportunity to.   To this date, I’ve only seen it once.

Pabst Ice’s abv jumps up to 6.0%, which makes it an even faster way to forget that shitty indie band you just saw.  Or maybe now you only need to do 2 beer bongs an hour instead of your traditional 3 with PBR.

Is PI a better tasting beer then PBR? Absolutely not.  But does it taste good for an ice beer? Absolutely.  I’m willing to go out and say it’s the best tasting ice beer I’ve had.  It’s the same price as PBR, which may seem like a bad thing, but if your goal is just to drink, Pabst Ice is the way to go.  So, If you need to get drunk, if nothing else can help, and if you can find some, maybe you can buy… Pabst Ice.

Only 5 out of 10 skeets

-p

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